Monthly Archives: April 2018

Burn Notice

The HISTORICAL DICTIONARY OF INTERNATIONAL INTELLIGENCE by Nigel West offers the following definition for the term Burn Notice– “When a Central Intelligence Agency source has proved unreliable, a warning known as a Burn Notice is distributed, alerting personnel with responsibility for the recruitment or running of sources not to have any further contact with that individual.” As the opening monologue of the old USA Network TV show BURN NOTICE related, “When you’re burned, you’ve got nothing: no cash, no credit, no job history. You’re stuck in whatever city they decide to dump you in…(y)ou rely on anyone who’s still talking to you…(b)ottom line: As long as you’re burned, you’re not going anywhere.”

Join me in a piquant thought experiment: Though you are most likely not a spy, intelligence informant, or even a breaker of law beyond that of an occasional moving violation, what would you do if you were to be the recipient of your own Burn Notice? What if you suddenly found yourSelf without credit, no access to your savings accounts, no record with any governmental, banking or business entity that you have ever existed? People that once knew you deny they have ever even met you, let alone admit to having any sort of relationship to or with you. Those hard copies you have of your birth certificate, your mortgage, your divorce decree? Well, as there is no official record of these documents anywhere, then they must be clever forgeries. If this happened to you, how would you respond? Would you exert all possible energies to convince people of who you were and to reclaim what you feel is rightfully yours? Would you, like the protagonist in the TV show, seek out the person or entity behind your burning? What would you do if, despite your best attempts, you were unable to reclaim that which was once yours? Would you flounder? Would you spend the remainder of your days sulking and bemoaning your situation? Would you start over?

Technology can fail. In today’s modern digital society, it is not so far from the realm of possibility that you might, indeed, find yourSelf on the receiving end of your own version of a Burn Notice. Though it might not be orchestrated by an unspecified shady governmental cabal or the result of some criminal enterprise out to purloin the identities of the unsuspecting, and though it might not be as total as that experienced by a burned spy, you still may one day find yourSelf in the position of having to prove who you are and exist without access to your digitally stored virtual resources until the matter can be resolved. Could you do this? Do you have sufficient liquid resources spread around and available should you require them? Do you have multiple copies of relevant important documents stored in various secure locations? Most importantly, in a worst case scenario, do have the fortitude to start over from scratch if you needed to?

Don’t get burned against your will. Against your will? An interesting concept which sets us off in an entirely new and intriguing direction. Look at your Life. Look at your tendencies. Look at the way you habitually respond to situations and circumstances. Look at the good. Look at the bad. What if…what if you were to issue your own Burn Notice…to yourSelf?

How would your Life be different if you were to burn those traits that no longer served you? What if you erased the behaviors that held you back or, worse, harmed you? While it is not possible to avoid the consequences of our prior choices, decisions, and actions by “burning” them, it IS possible to create a “new identity” for ourselves, to move toward becoming the person we want to be. Change your mind, change your approach, and you will most certainly change your Life.

Perhaps a Burn Notice is not such a scary thing after all.

©Billy Red Horse

Putting Pen To Paper

Witness the fountain pen. Elegant in design, functional in performance. A precision tool when paired with fine writing paper. Why is it that, in the hand of one person, this pen is the radix of an all but illegible chicken scratch while in the hand of another it is a tool for creating exquisite Beauty? The pen is still the pen, the paper, too, remains itself. What, then, is the difference? Is it in the skill? Is it in the vision? Is it in the ability to execute?

And what shall we make of words that, though less than pleasing to the eye, are capable still of touching the soul? To further confound and confuse, consider when the words dance with calligraphic rhythm in appearance yet cut deep and painful swaths as they go, at once agreeable to behold but bruising to the heart. The presentation can be beautiful but the content can be laced with the poison of spite.

Beauty knows many levels and subtleties, as does pain. There is far more here than the obvious.

You are the pen, your Life is the paper. What will you write?…

©Billy Red Horse

Death Of A So-Called Friend

The beer was cold against my lips. I sat there looking out over a particularly sunny landscape and, raising a toast to a passing cloud, took another draw from the bottle. You see, I was celebrating . . . celebrating my first murder.

My victim? Nobody you would know. But then again, maybe you DO know this guy. He and his ilk are nothing if not ubiquitous.

The weird thing is, there was a period when I considered this guy to be my best friend. You would have been hard pressed to find two closer companions anywhere. For the longest Time, if you saw me you could be certain that he was always close by. We were, in fact, inseparable. It was the dawning realization a few years back that my identity, my very sense of self, was wrapped up in my relationship to this guy that caused me to question if that relationship was really healthy and in my best interest.

When I first brought up my concerns, he just laughed them off. Quite the joker, he was. But I persisted and when I refused to be dissuaded, he acted as though his feelings had been hurt. When this little ploy didn’t have the desired effect of making me recant, well, then . . . that’s when he got nasty. I was told in no uncertain terms that I needed him, that I was nothing without him, that I just couldn’t handle things on my own. After a while, he softened a bit, reminding me that for years he had protected me, looked out for me, cared for me. He said he was only doing what was best for me and that I should be grateful.

I hate to admit it but, at first, I thought that he might be right, maybe I DID need him. I recognized that, after so many years together, I really had come to depend on him for far more than I should have. Could I do okay on my own? Did I even know how? I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I had my doubts.

I moped around for a few days, questioning my judgment and my commitment to break free all the while. He could tell that I was still struggling with the whole thing and did his best to pacify my doubts. Strokes to my ego followed apologies and other various attempts to distract. Something told me, though, that this was about nothing more than the preservation of the status quo and his own preeminence in my Life. His coddling gradually changed to coercion, then became threats. I recognized with painful finality that there was something very wrong and that, if anything was to be done, I was the one that would have to do it.

I knew he had no interest in changing the state of things but I refused to let that stop me. I sought out counseling but, with me being the only willing participant, it wasn’t at all effective. I was the one that wanted change, not him. I knew that the longer I permitted him to remain in my Life, the more I was giving away my power. This had to stop.

I tried to walk away, but he refused to leave me alone. No matter where I went, he followed. The more I tried to be done with him, the more determined was his pursuit. My entreaties for him to just leave fell on deaf ears. Pretty soon I found myself drowning in my emotions. Fear and anger were constants when I was awake and when I dreamed. It was then that I recognized just how poisonous was the whole affair.

So I decided to kill him.

It was a most satisfying task, that of snuffing out his life and hiding all remnants of his existence from sight. The monster now lies in an unmarked grave. I mean, really . . . why on earth would I want to memorialize such a villain? And what would the headstone read? –

Here lies
– MY DELUSIONS –
Though to the eye exceeding fair,
His heart, ‘twas black and vile.
No longer shall his mien ensnare,
nor manner e’er beguile.

I know I’ll never see him again. Unless I resurrect him, that is. It’s kind of scary to know that I have that kind of power, even more so to know that the responsibility to keep that tomb sealed rests with no one but me.

I really do feel the better for his being dead.

Care to join me in a beer?…

©Billy Red Horse

Best Case Scenario

Not so long ago your humble scribe penned a most insightful tome entitled “The High Cost Of Living.” An astute and prepossessing piece, I labored through its composition to express with eloquence the weight of our every action and their attendant consequences. I wish now to revisit the same subject matter, but this time from a slightly different perspective. (Accuse me of repeating myself if you must; it is a charge I shall in no wise repudiate. Yes, the topic is THAT important to me.)

Barring a total governmental usurpation of this nation’s private healthcare system, one might, with modern preventative medical care, deliberate nutrition, sufficient exercise, and efficacious stress release, expect to easily live to the age of 100 and even beyond. (This is not at all an unreasonable assertion. There are great sages of the past who have proffered that the human body is by design constructed to live a minimum of 125 years, but that is another topic for another time.) Rather than surrendering to the storms of Life, there are those who will not only fight for every breath, every moment, but who will endeavor to fill those moments with thoughts and experiences and actions that make lLife worth the living. Which brings us to a point (or two) well worth pondering.

Thinking solely in terms of quantity rather than quality, and taking into account the averment made in the preceding paragraph, best case scenario: how long will you be alive? If, as you read this, you find you have reached the quarter-century mark and, for the sake of our discussion, you accept that the ripe old age of 100 is, in fact, within the realm of achievement, then basic mathematics dictates you have roughly 75 years of Life remaining in the here-and-now. Not that bad, I suppose. There are some who have never made it even close to the 75 years you hypothetically have left.

Now, let us bring forward for consideration a second best case scenario: how long will you be dead? Arguments of reincarnation put aside, it would not be unreasonable to proffer an answer for this second question to accurately be “forever.” Comparing and contrasting the duration of best case scenario One with that of best case scenario Two, would it not be prudent to get as much out of scenario One as is humanly possible prior to entering scenario Two?

Returning to the 75 year figure mentioned above (for you more seasoned folks reading this, the following should carry an even greater weight), I should remind you that there are no guarantees. Sure, you MIGHT have 75 years left or 65 years or 50 years or 25 years, all, of course, depending on your current chronological situation, general health, and all the other previously mentioned factors. Or you might suffer the misfortune several weeks from now of expiring as the result of injuries sustained from being trampled by a stampeding herd of flash-mobbing teenagers. Or you might be the victim of an undiagnosed cardiac malady and drop dead of heart failure before you finish reading this sentence. So I ask once again, best case scenario, how long will you live? Best case scenario, how long will you be dead?

In the overarching architecture of it all, even 100 years is less than the most fleeting moment when juxtaposed against Eternity. If, in death, the best case scenario that can be hoped for is, at the very least, everlasting, should this not give one pause to design and experience a Life as devoid of pain and sorrow as possible? One characterized by a vital existence, challenging, engaging, fulfilling and, above all, overflowing in Beauty?

Reject a willing servitude and find that which makes your Heart sing. Cause no harm and do what you will. Love the Mother Earth and all Her children. Become more than you feel you are, more than you think you can be. When presented with a choice between Life-affirming and Life-negating, choose that which will amplify most your Great Desire.

There are those nihilists who will say, when presented with some conundrum or other, 100 years from now it won’t matter anyway. I say, 100 years from now, what I do in this moment or the next or the next will be of the gravest importance. The best case scenario allows for nothing else.

©Billy Red Horse

The High Cost Of Living

(This article was originally published in January of 2008)

The new year bears down upon us. It is a Time to swear penance for that extra 10 pounds we added to our already stressed frames over the holidays, a Time to review the year that has passed and to look forward to all the positive changes we intend to initiate in the coming 12 months. Should we be brutally honest with ourselves, though (a skill so few seem to possess in this day and age), we might find that the resolutions we are now confidently pledging to discharge are not unlike those we vowed to keep at this same Time last year. Well, I suppose there is something to be said for consistency . . .

In a few weeks we will begin to receive the W-2 forms that allow us to accurately calculate the amount of tax we owe our feudal masters and, come late January, the mailman will deliver to us the stacks of credit card bills which are evidence certain of December’s feckless orgy of conspicuous consumption. You had promised to curtail your spending, to buy fewer things for fewer people. You may even have succeeded in doing just that. But them prices, they are a risin’. Witness the automobile that not so very long ago required a mere $17 in gasoline which now demands $50 to see the little indicator needle hover near the FULL side of the gauge. That which once was is no more.

There is one area, however, where the prices never rise and never fall, but where the cost has always been consistently the highest that can be paid. In this province it is not possible to negotiate better terms, more favorable rates, or to in any way defer payment.

Everything you do in your Life costs you something. Each thought, each action, each emotion, each failure or success, all of them draw from an account that is irrevocably finite and subject to sudden catastrophic ruin. The coin of the realm of which I speak is binary in its constitution, one half being constrained at all times by a factor of 24, while the other is a bit more protean in its capacity to wax or wane. I speak of your Time and your Life-Force Energy.

You, like every person who has ever lived, are limited to but 24 hours in a day. In this aspect, we truly are equal, everyone. The visionary and the vagrant, the mystic and the madman, all are bound by the same limitations of temporal fetters. How is it that you spend your Time? Are you aware that every second of your Life that has passed is a second you will never EVER have again? How much of this most precious and limited asset has slipped unnoticed through your fingers as you sat idling in traffic, suffered through yet another pointless business meeting, or engaged in some meaningless activity that did absolutely nothing to feed your soul? Time is the one resource of which you have only so much and you can never know just how much it is that you will have. How many more days can you claim with any certainty are at your disposal?

Every activity you undertake requires of you Time; just how much is your Time worth to you?

If Time is the “when” of human existence, then Life-Force Energy is the “how.” This antipodal face of the two-sided coin is the Energy that motivates you, that quickens you, that sustains you, that IS you.

As with Time, a portion of your Life-Force is demanded against all that you do. Whether an intentional expression of Beauty or a thoughtless act of anger, your personal account will be debited immediately and without consideration. Depending on the act, you may pay up front and only once, or you may find yourself making installments for years to come.

Fortunately, and quite unlike Time, your Life-Force can be replenished, not only in quantity, but in quality, as well. You can increase the level of your “funding” by taking care to consume only healthy food and drink, avoiding ingestion of substances that can damage the body and mind, exercising, resting, meditating, praying, by divesting yourself of as much negativity as possible and by developing a mindfulness for and about the way you live your Life. Paradoxically, the more you engage in conscious acts that bring joy to your soul, the more likely is your store of this Energy to accrue rather than diminish.

Learn how not to give away needlessly your Energy to others and do not permit people or circumstances to drain it from you. Don’t pay more than you must and don’t squander what you have. Use wisely your resources and learn to invest rather than spend.

It is your responsibility to determine if what you are doing at any given moment is worth the incredible cost demanded of you. When you tally the price you must always be willing to ask yourself, “Is this really how I wish to spend my Life?”

Neither Do They Spin

I am certain you know one, probably more than one, in fact; those souls who walk through life, head held high, eager to demonstrate to anyone within close proximity the purity and steadfast conviction of their belief that all is in Divine Order and their unwavering confidence that Spirit will provide, always and inevitably. Whether fundamentalist Christian or new age adherent to the Law of Attraction, all that is required is “the faith of a mustard seed” and the willingness to stoke the fires of certainty which will guarantee all manner of bounty and good favor.

*COUGH*

The mantra “Spirit will provide” falls incessantly from the lips of those who seem to view the Creative Energy of the universe as some one-stop welfare shop which is all too willing to supply our every need if only we will display the proper amount of faith mixed with copious quantities of 101 octane positive mental attitude. “All I have to do is believe. . .”

*COUGH*

This line of thinking must surely have as its fountainhead a few lines found in the Christian New Testament:

“Take no thought for your life, what you’ll eat or what you’ll drink; nor for your body, or what you’ll wear. Look at the birds: they don’t sow, they don’t reap, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much better than they? And why worry about your clothes? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin. And yet even King Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Don’t worry saying, What will I eat? or, What will I drink? or, What will I wear? Your heavenly Father knows you have need of all these things. Don’t worry about tomorrow: for tomorrow will take care of itself.”

Nowhere in the above quote is there even a hint that there might be something expected on the part of the reader to help secure the food or the drink or the clothing. In fact, it seems quite apparent that the Big Guy Upstairs is going to take care of everything! All I have to do is sit back and wait faithfully for him to take care of it all! That’s it; all that is required is faith. I’ll just sit here and polish up my positive mental attitude and wait for Federal Express to drop off my weekly sustenance care package. Oh, by the way God, while you’re at it, could you stick a winning lottery ticket in amongst the loaves and fishes?

I can think of few things more flaccid and nugatory than a positive mental attitude detached from action. Belief without exertion is, at best, shortsighted folly and, at its worst, dangerous. Those who cling tenaciously to the position that the wealth of the universe (be that wealth spiritual or material) is only as far away as our focus of belief in that position are deluded. Is this blinders-on conviction or ignorance or just plain laziness? Methinks it may well be comparable measures of each. To state it bluntly, those who point to the biblical exhortation that the flowers and the birds toil not and hold this passage up as the basis for their position of sitting and passively awaiting their portion are fools.

Those deceptively idle flowers extend their roots deep into the soil and actively draw nourishment from therein. Except when very young, birds forage to meet their needs, be it a mate, food for their belly, or materials for a nest. Should either flora or fauna wait around for Spirit, they die.

Then there are those who take the more reasonable approach that we are co-creators with Spirit. This position assigns at least a portion of the responsibility for attainment on oneself. These are the folks who say you have to meet Spirit halfway. Well what happens if Spirit has more important things to do that day? You’re stuck only halfway to your goal. How about this: you’ve proven that you have the wherewithal to get to the halfway point; why not go all the way and just give Spirit the day off?

If there truly IS co-creation, Spirit’s part is and can only be to inspire us to action. As proof of this assertion I offer the verity that both words, Spirit and inspire, have the same root word, “spirare,” which means “breath” or “breathe.” Spirit may well breathe the inspiration into you. It’s up to you, however, to act on that inspiration, not sit there like a hatchling with your pie-hole agape demanding to be fed.

Think of it this way- no matter how he might hope and believe and pray otherwise, an architect’s blueprints do not spring to life and magically give substance to the construct the ink lines on the paper represent. Confidence in the possibilities inherent in Life is analogous to the blueprints. If you want those possibilities to be made manifest it is YOU who must do the manifesting through efficacious deeds.

Either way, don’t credit or blame Spirit; credit or blame yourself. Get up off your backside and do something!